She Won't Stay, But I Will
by StarCat13
Summary: Xander and Anya break up. Xan finds himself thinking about someone else. XS SLASH Finished!
1. New Feelings

She Won't Stay, But I Will  
  
By:StarCat13  
  
Dis: You can put the story on your site as long as you tell me first.  
  
Feedback:Yes. In fact I won't write more until I have a least three reviews.  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine. The character and places belong to the mighty Joss Whedon.  
  
All hail the master.  
  
Rated: PG soon PG-13  
  
Author's Notes:I'm only gonna continue if you readers say you want more. This is my first ficso PLEASE be gentle.  
  
Summery: Anya and Xander break up. Xan finds love somewhere else. SLASH WARNING! Spike/Xander fic!  
  
***********************************************************************  
  
Light streamed through the apartment windows. The sun was low on the horizon and it would be dark soon. Xander Harris stood near his kitchen table and silently chuckled at his actions. Here he was again, stocking up on stakes, Crosses and Holy water for his trip to the Scooby meeting and patrol.  
  
Anya came up behind him, "I think we should stay in tonight." She said while wrapping her arms around his neck. He turned and faced her.  
  
"Normally I would agree with a night alone," he raised his eyebrows suggestively, "but there's a new beasty in town." He tightened his grip on Anya's waist, pulling her into a hug.  
  
"I'm sick of all the evil creatures getting in the way of our life."  
  
"I know baby, but it's something we have to do." Replied while looking his lover in the eyes sweetly.  
  
"I don't think I wanna do it anymore, I want to be able to have a romantic evening with my fiancée without worrying about demons destroying our apartment." She gave him a sad smile, kissed him on the cheek, and headed out for the car. This conversation, however short, had given him a lurching feeling in his stomach. Like when you go down the first hill on a roller coaster, only without the fun part. He thought there might be a point in Anya and his relationship where she would want to seek out a better life. While his life was (and had been since his Sophomore year in high school) dangerous, he liked helping people and saving the world. Before all this madness with fighting evil had happened, Xander had felt useless, not good in class or socially, until he'd found a place with Buffy and Willow. He was doing something important here in Sunnydale and the young man was determined NOT to give it up. He decided then and there that if Anya wanted to leave, it would have to be by herself. As long as his friends were with him, he would stay.  
  
"So your telling me that this demon can pull itself apart and put itself back together again at will!" Buffy exclaimed.  
  
"Um, to simplify it. Yes, that is exactly what I'm saying." Giles said with his usual boorish tone. It was no secret that Giles as well as the rest of the group had no luck in getting Buffy to open up about where she was while she was dead. Not that anyone really blamed her; coming out of a hell dimension had to be a difficult experience.  
  
Buffy stood there looking at the wall angrily. That was good, she was showing her feelings again. Of course anger seemed to be her new favourite emotion.  
  
"So what evil's ass are we kicking tonight?" All heads turned toward the door, noticing for the first time that Spike had entered the Magic Box. Spike had been a big help after Buffy died and when she came back. Not that Xander would tell him that, of course. The two of them (Buffy and Spike) seemed to spend more time together and Xander had this awful feeling that she was sharing things with the Bleached Wonder that she wasn't with her best friends or Watcher. Giles was hurt by the this fact though he tried to hide it.  
  
Giles tuned toward the vampire with a look that said he was going to tell him off.  
  
"A Disavorkyn Demon." Buffy replied before a fight could brake out.  
  
"Oh, their nasty buggers. Okay let's go."  
  
"Right. Spike and I'll check the cemeteries. Tara and Willow look in the park. Xander and Anya patrol the streets. Once your done go home and get some rest, unless of course you find the thing. Giles, could you please mind Dawn while I'm gone?"  
  
"Of course"  
  
All of them moved to the door, except Anya.  
  
"Buffy, could I go with you. I need to talk to you about something."  
  
Spike looked reluctant to leave Buffy's side until she agreed .  
  
"Alright. Spike, you go with Xander."  
  
"Why do I get stuck with the whelp?" He asked angrily.  
  
"Because I said so. Now go."  
  
The two walked next to each other but with a great space between them. For some reason unknown even to Xander himself, he found he really didn't hate Spike anymore. The vampire helped the heroes now for free and with little coercing.  
  
"So, how are things with your ex-demon chit going?" he said this sarcastically, though there was an underlying hint of interest.  
  
"Fine"  
  
"Oh" the 'oh' came out a bit disappointed. Like he wanted them to have problems. That's a vamp for ya.  
  
He barely had time to finish that thought when a vampire threw himself at the two men. Between Xander's new muscles and Spike's agility the demon didn't have a chance. Soon vamp dust was flying. Xan sat back against a brick building and the blonde joined him.  
  
"You got some blood on ya head, pet"  
  
Xander gave Spike a puzzled look, "You called me pet?"  
  
"Uh huh." He answered nonchalantly.  
  
Spike leaned in close to get a look at the cut. His face was only inches from Spike's. The lurching in his stomach started again, in the good way this time. A new feeling surfaced among the usual, attraction. He had a sudden urge to kiss Spike. He closed his eyes. 


	2. Old Thoughts

1 Title: She Wont Stay, But I Will- Part Two  
  
2 Author: StarCat13  
  
3 Rating: PG13  
  
Feedback: I got a bad review recently and that hurt, so if you don't have anything nice to don't say anything at all. AKA No flames!!!! Other than that positive reviews are more then welcome  
  
Distribution: I'd be honored to be archived somewhere. Please ask first though.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own them. But I can guarantee Spike and Xander are gonna have more fun in this fic then any Ep. Just kidding. They belong to the omniscient and almighty Joss Whedon and crew.  
  
Author's Note: Slashy Smoochage!! If your offended by slash don't read this and NO FLAMES!!  
  
**  
  
He had the sudden urge to kiss Spike. He closed his eyes and took a deep breathe to suppress the feelings. 'Bad Xander' he thought.  
  
"Hey, Xan, are you okay? Ya look a bit pale."  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine."  
  
Spike backed up then stood, offering his hand to him. The sitting man took it. Just then Buffy came running toward them.  
  
"Guys! It's Anya, she got attacked by the demon."  
  
**  
  
Everyone stood in the waiting room. Giles looked more nervous than usual. He kept cleaning his glasses every couple minutes. Xander sat with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. Buffy looked ashamed even though Xander insisted that it wasn't her fault. She was next to a very concerned Willow andTara went to get snacks for the group from the cafeteria. As for Spike; he sat next the sad boy, acting surprisingly protective. The doctor walked out of the office and confronted the group.  
  
"Miss Anya should be fine. She has a nasty bump on her head and a sprained wrist but other then that every things normal. Are any of you family?"  
  
Xander spoke up while standing, "She has no living family. I'm her fiancé and these are her closest friends." He said waving toward the collection of people.  
  
"Alright, you can go in and see her but I recommend two at a time until we can make sure she has no additional injuries."  
  
Spike got up immediately grabbing Xander's arm and pulling him towards the room. Before they entered the vampire took him aside.  
  
"Listen, I am sorry about your girl, right. Let's go." He said quickly. And he left Xander looking after him in confusion.  
  
**  
  
Xander had spent a couple days nursing Anya back to heath and she was now well to move around on her own, but something wasn't right. So they talked,  
  
"Before I got attacked that demon Buffy and I had a discussion. She said that if we want to leave we can. We can get out of Sunnydale and live hellmouth free! A normal life, Xander, aren't you excited?" Anya said everything so quickly that it took a second to process.  
  
"An, honey." He started. Oh boy this was gonna be difficult. What to say to someone who, a couple years ago, thought no sex meant no relationship.  
  
"I'm sorry but, I'm not leaving. As much as I want us to lead a normal life, our friends need us here. Buffy and Willow and everyone; they're my family."  
  
"Oh, come on. What do they need you for. I mean neither of us has any powers. We're in the way." At Anya's harsh comment, Xander's stomach wrenched.  
  
"No. I'm not in the way. If you want to go so much, it'll have to be without me." He replied reluctantly.  
  
The ex-demon put on her stubborn face, "Fine. I'll do that."  
  
Xander sighed sadly, "Listen, I love you and I want to be with you, so let me sleep on it and we'll talk in the morning. Alright, baby?"  
  
"Uh, huh. 'night" She said, still determined not to give in.  
  
Xander sighed again, 'maybe I should go with Anya. I can always visit my friends. What else is here for me? I'll talk to Anya tomorrow.' He thought as he drifted off to sleep.  
  
**  
  
His dreams were filled with a certain bleach blond. Xander's eyes popped open, 'Bad Xander', he thought for the second time that week. He walked into the living room and did a double take when he saw that half their stuff was gone. 'The apartment was robbed' was the first thing that came to mind. That is until he found the note.  
  
**  
  
"She just left? Without saying goodbye?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Just this note." He answered. It had been almost a week before he'd decided it was time to stop moping and lying on his ass. He had to tell the others that she was gone some time, why not now?  
  
*  
  
Xander looked heartbroken, and Spike didn't blame him. He knew what it was like to have someone you care about leave. It wasn't right, even if it was the whelp on the receiving end. Especially if it was Xander. 'Bad Will' he thought to himself. He was thinking nice things about Xan again. The vampire mentally kicked himself. Yeah, that did it, he didn't give a damn now. 'Nope, not a bit', he tried convincing his stubborn mind. No matter how he cared for the boy or how hot Xander looked with that shirt on, he wouldn't doing anything about it. He swore to himself before his death that he would stay away from all men. Pain from long ago crept to the surface overtook all his senses and he was once again back in the 1880's.  
  
**  
  
London, England 1880  
  
**  
  
Another day, another rejection. William had been standing next to Randolph Robinson when, once again, Randolph decided to embarrass him. The older man grabbed Will's poem and read it for all to hear and laugh at. I wouldn't be the first time, nor the last, that the snobby man poked fun at his work. His writing wasn't very good but it was his own and they had no take it from him like that. He kicked up some dirt in the road, feeling very rebellious when he saw how he'd dirtied his pants and shoes. Then the human sighed, how could he take this much longer. William felt about ready to snap. All his anger welled up and burst out in the form of a cry and an off punch at nothing. He needed out; someplace away from the jeering faces of the rich and suave. His out came when he walked in the front door of his home. Mother greeted him as usual and handed him his mail. One was addressed 'Mister William Joseph Hampton Junior'. William seldom got letters so he eagerly torn the paper open. It was his friend Daniel. Danny lived about three towns over from London. He used to live next to Martha(Will's mom) but his family moved. Last time he'd seen Danny was when he was ten. The boy, now a man, was holding a party to celebrate his twenty- seventh birthday. William was invited and very excited about that. He noticed the return address had changed. His childhood mate lived about fifty miles away. Wow, no wonder they'd never run into each other. It would take a day just to get there. The party was to be held in two days but the invitation said he could come early. So the overly joyous poet informed his mother of the plans and packed.  
  
**  
  
Morning came not soon enough for Mr. Hampton. He stretched himself then grabbed his bags. Not wanting to wake his mum or sister, he left quietly. He hailed a coach gave the driver directions. The boy apparently hadn't gotten enough sleep because he was soon asleep again. The coach hit a rut and this woke William in time to see Daniel's house. They stopped in front of the building and he got out after paying for the ride. The man knocked on the door nervously and it opened immediately. A handsome bloke with a large smile stood there. He had dark brown hair, brown eyes, and a tall thin body. William could barely introduce himself when he saw the man before him. He didn't have to though.  
  
"Ah. William! Come in." Daniel said.  
  
Once bags had been settled in the guest room, which had taken and hour because of his day dreams, it was off to dining. It was seven o'clock when they sat down to eat and for some reason things just weren't flowing in the 'comfortable talking' department. Soon eight rolled around and Will excused himself, saying he was tired from his journey.  
  
**  
  
He'd just settled down when someone knocked on the door. William stood up and walked to the door, then opened it. Daniel asked if he could come in. The young poet nodded his head and stepped aside. Once inside he began to speak.  
  
"Listen. I noticed that things were quite uncomfortable at dinner. I wanted to talk about current events in your life." He sat on the chair in the corner.  
  
"Tell me how are Kat and your mother doing?"  
  
"Very well. Thank you." Will answered. This started a long conversation. They talked until very late in the night. 'Twas almost two a.m. before they wound down.  
  
"Oh! Remember the time you broke your arm climbing that awful tree." Danny asked.  
  
"Unfortunately I do." He said. It had been summer, and back then Will was the idea boy. All the kids in their neighborhood went to him for exciting or adventurous things to do. That day was the hottest England had ever seen. Will suggested they all take turns jumping from a large tree into the lake. He went first, then Danny, and the rest eagerly followed. When Will went for a second go, however, he lost his balance and fell backward on his arm. He'd contemplated life after that and soon (after Danny moved) decided that it wasn't worth it to risk death on such foolish games. It was then that he became a writer. Oh, Will had written before and he liked it, had the passion for it; but up until that day he had never thought about devoting his existence to it. So he ran the library and wrote poems on the side. A safe way to live.  
  
"Well, I'd better get to sleep if I want to be awake for my own party. This has been great. I'd almost forgotten what a good friend you are." Daniel gave him a shy smile.  
  
"Goodnight." He answered. But that wasn't all. Danny leaned in and kissed him. Kissed him! For goodness sakes he'd barely had a peck on the cheek from a woman and this was on the lips. Will told himself it was wrong but his lips just weren't getting the message. He kissed the man back. It was slow but quickly heated up. It wasn't until he felt Danny's tongue seek entrance to his mouth before he panicked.  
  
"Oh. Dear!" He stood up.  
  
"I.I've got to go. Um. good day." And he ran. Like the complete nance he was, just ran. Caught a coach and went home.  
  
**  
  
'What do I do?' He thought. 'I mean it's Danny. Should I write and ask him what it meant or should I wait and see if he contacts me?' He couldn't stop thinking about the kiss. It felt so good and right. Now that he'd thought it over, he wished he hadn't run away.  
  
Unfortunately William decided to wait and see if his friend would write him. He continued to pretend he was in love with Cecily. That was his undoing of course. While the love was faked, it still hurt to be rejected. Which lead him to Dru, or her to him rather. After becoming a vampire he still thought of Danny til this day and regretted not finding him. Now he was dead, had been for years, and it still pained Spike not knowing what he could have had.  
  
**  
  
"Spike?  
  
"Spike?" She said again.  
  
"Huh? Wha?"  
  
"I said are you gonna just stand there?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Um."  
  
"I hate to say this but; are you all right Spike?"  
  
"I'm fine. Just fine."  
  
**&&*****  
  
TBC....... 


	3. Tears of the Past

Title: She won't stay, but I Will. Part3 Author: StarCat (StarCat13 on FF.Net) E-mail: Xphily2324@aol.com Rating: PG-13 Disclaimer: These characters, places, and events are not mine. Part of this fic includes a rewrite of the first two episodes. These eps are not mine and I'm not making money from this in anyway. Some dialogue taken from the show but it's been mostly paraphrased. The show belongs to Joss Whedon (the master!), UPN, and Mutant Enemy. Feedback: Constructive criticism welcome. If you want to e-mail me away from the list then just put 'Your Story' in the subject box. I have a tendency to do rapid deleting. Spoilers: Major spoilers for 'Welcome to the Hellmouth pt 1' and 'The Harvest.' Warnings: Slash, implied abuse Pairings: Xander/Other, Eventually Xander/Spike Author's Note: I'm sorry it took so long for me to get this out. Also, I watched the first two episodes of Buffy and took notes but I mostly paraphrased. Summery: Anya leaves and Xander finds a new love. Just pre-slash for X/S so far. Thank You: To everyone that betaed for me or volunteered to beta but didn't have the chance to get it back to me. I couldn't wait once I got it back. Sorry. Thank you to: Cimmerdeux@yahoo.com, Damaged@fsmail.net, maybeshedoes@yahoo.com, spikesvampslayer@hotmail.com, queen_of_spades@yahoo.com (Clare), and anyone I've forgotten. You all kick butt! ***@***  
  
Xander's brow furrowed with puzzlement. He'd unconsciously been staring at Spike during Buffy's speech. When the vampire hadn't moved the first time Buffy talked to him, Xan just thought he was being stubborn. It took a couple of minutes to get him to stop spacing out though. It wasn't like the vamp not to listen to Buffy. Everyone knew he still had the hots for her. 'Oh well,' Xander thought, 'maybe he's moved on.' The look on Spike's face; it was the expression of someone remembering something sad. Xander thought it was most likely a woman. Women and torment seemed to go hand in hand, or maybe that was just Anya. He sighed and tried not to look at Spike as he and Buffy went out the door. The hurt in those blue eyes reminded Xander of his first love. The one person that had meant the most to him: Jesse. He never told anyone about them because there would be questions. He wasn't ready to face that. He didn't think he'd ever be. Xander tried to ignore the memories but couldn't stop them. He felt locked inside his head as he was forced by his own subconscious to relive a night that happened over six years ago.  
  
***@*** #FlashBacK#  
  
The time was almost midnight and it had been raining for hours. The water formed pond sized puddles everywhere. The rain soaked his clothes all the way through. It was cold but it felt good on his bruises and washed away his tears. Mud stuck to his bare feet and the boy carefully wiped them off on the walkway. Xander wrapped his arms around himself, trying to stop shivering, which was hard considering he was wearing only a T-shirt and khaki shorts. He walked up the path and around to the backyard. The window on the first floor was covered by a shade but light leaked out the sides. Jesse was still awake. Xander knocked on the glass softly. Jesse's head peeked around the curtains and his eyes widened upon seeing his best friend looking like a drowned rat. A very bruised rat with bloodshot eyes. The concerned sixteen-year-old opened the window to let Xander in. Jesse helped him in, closing and locking the entrance behind the brunette. Water dripped from Xander's hair and clothes and ran down his face. It pooled at his feet on the hard wood floor. Jesse quickly and quietly left the room and returned a few minutes later with towels. A white and red First aid kit in his right hand; he motioned for Xander to sit down on the chair in the corner. Jesse handed him a clean, dry T-shirt and a pair of sweat pants. The brown haired teen stripped to his boxers and put on the borrowed pants. Jesse winced when he saw the large welt on his cheek and the cut on his shoulder. He leaned down and carefully wiped the cut off and bandaged it. Jess gave Xander a look that said, 'again?' but it was concerned all the same. Usually on nights like that one, Jesse would pull the extra mattress out. This time though, Xan was freezing and still looked shook up. When Jess turned to get the mat out, Xander pulled him down on to the bed next to him. Jesse wrapped Xander up in blankets and held him close. The hurt teen sobbed in his friends embrace. Tears ran down his cheeks. Despite being upset, Xander felt safe, like no one could touch him. Jesse looked into Xan's eyes and whispered, "It's not your fault, Xan. You're all right now." He placed a small kiss on his lips. When his lips touched Jesse's, he'd shivered. While Xander was perplexed by his own reaction to the kiss, he was also very exhausted. Tangled up in each other, the two fell asleep. Many times Xander came to Jesse. Even when he wasn't hurt. He slept well for the first time in his life. They didn't kiss anymore but always fell asleep embracing each other. The two of them never discussed it outside of Jesse's room. Xander hadn't even told Willow, his other best friend. Several months went by and they still had each other.  
  
***@***  
  
One day, the evening before he would meet Buffy, an event happened that changed his life. School had dragged on as usual. He walked home with Jesse and their two other friends, Jason and Becky. Jason and Becky were fraternal twins and their family was moving away that afternoon. When the group reached the twin's house, Jesse apologized for not staying to help pack the last of the carry ons. Once no one was looking he took Xander's hand and mouthed the word later. The twins went ahead of them, entering the house. Before Jesse could go Xander pulled him into a chaste kiss. Jess brought his hand to Xander's face then pressed his forehead against his friend's. It was the first time they'd kissed since that night months ago. It was odd, different, but not bad. "I have something I want to say," Jesse said. Xander looked him in the eye and asked, "What's that?" "Well, I think I like you a lot," He whispered seriously while emphasizing the , "a lot." Xander didn't wait long to reply, " I like you a lot too. " He also emphasized "a lot." Both of them blushed and smiled The words "falling for you" weren't used but they were there all the same.  
  
***@***  
  
The next morning Xander decided to board to school. His parents were always too drunk to drive him and he lived too close for there to be a bus stop. He took comfort in the feeling of the wind in his hair. It felt like he was flying and he resisted the urge to close his eyes. The young man's stomach fluttered with happy butterflies at the thought of seeing Jesse. It was weird being with his best friend like this. He was confused about what this change meant for him. Was he gay? Should he join a support group or something? He shook his head at his own thoughts. Whatever happened, Xander wasn't confused about one thing. He knew how he felt, how he was always calm and safe when he was with Jesse. He was loved for the first in his life. Xander smiled at that as he weaved his board around the students milling about the campus. A blonde haired girl caught his attention. 'Huh must be new. I don't think I've seen her before.' He thought. Wham! His tendency to space out had caused him pain once again. He'd been so lost in thought that he hadn't paid attention to where he was going. The rail hit his stomach hard, or his stomach hit the bar. Whatever, all Xander knew is that he was suddenly looking up at Willow's face. "Willow! You're so very much the person that I wanted to see!" The rest of the morning passed quickly. He'd met the new girl, Buffy. He'd made a fool of himself and found that the girl must be weirder than him, carrying around a piece of wood. "All I can think is that you're building a really small fence," he had said. After lunch, though, things got interesting. While in the library, Xander heard Buffy and Mr. Giles talking.about vampires. They left the library and Xander walked out of the stacks. "What?" He asked the empty room in disbelief. 'These people are insane.' He thought. Pretending he was never there, Xander continued to class.  
  
***@***  
  
The Bronze was packed as usual. Xander could tell this even from the outside. He saw Buffy leaving in a hurry. He stopped her and asked her if she was leaving soon. Besides the fact that she was most likely crazy, she was nice and he wouldn't mind hanging out with her. She told him that Willow had left with a guy. 'Willow left with a guy?' He tried to comprehend this. He said it wasn't a problem unless the guy was a vampire. A very surprised and angry Buffy told him that she was serious. He took her for real. They made their way through the cemetery and to the crypt they'd seen Jesse go into. Two creatures stood inside with Willow and Jesse in the corner. They would have to be creatures because their faces were distorted and eyes shone yellow. Buffy distracted them and drove a stake into one of the creature's heart. Xander cringed and then gasped when the guy burst into dust. He grabbed Jesse's arm while Willow grasped the other. "It'll be okay. Your alright now," he whispered. Louder he said, "the police are right around the corner." Unfortunately so were more vampires. Everything became hazy as he was hit on the head. When he came to, Buffy and Willow were crouching over him. He told them the last thing he saw: the vampires taking Jesse. The rest of the night, or should he say morning, was a blur. He could remember vaguely talking to Buffy, Giles, and Willow but all he could think about was Jesse. He had to get him back but Buffy didn't think he could handle it. 'I'll do it,' he thought. He followed Buffy to the sewers and refused to return. There they found Jesse lying on the floor. He breathed a sigh of relief and hugged him tightly. 'Thank God!' His mind exclaimed. Jesse led them through passages and into a dead end. Xander turned to his friend and instead found demon. He wanted it to be a dream, all something too much pizza before bed had cooked up. It was true though; his best friend, who he wanted as boyfriend, was a vampire. He could only thrust the cross in his former friends face and help Buffy fight off the other vamps. They escaped through a vent and returned to the library. The musty smell was comforting to his queasy stomach. He wanted to yell and cry but all he did was kick the garbage bin in anger. It wasn't fair! They'd just told each other how they'd felt! Why now? Why Jesse?! It was too confusing. All he knew is that he'd have to save Jesse. There was always a way in the movies. He'd find the real cure.  
  
***@***  
  
The bronze's front doors were locked so they went to the back. "Let's get in there before Jesse does something stupider than usual," Xander complained impatiently. Giles turned and glared at him. "You have to remember. When you see your friend, it's not Jesse you're looking at but the thing that killed him." The door opened and the three of them rushed in and started filing people out. Then he saw Jess in the back. He was attacking Cordelia. Xander raised his stake and told Jesse not to make him do it. He was pressed back against the wall by his former friend instantly. "Go ahead you don't have the guts.uh." Jesse was pushed forward by a running girl.and right and to the stake. Xander didn't even have the chance to be shocked at Jesse turning to dust. Two more vampires grabbed him. They held Xander and didn't let go until Buffy gave them the evil eye. Luke was gone so they took off scared.  
  
***@***  
  
The air was cool and crisp. It helped to clear his dazed mind. He knocked on the glass softly. A head peeked around the shade and the door opened to him. He sat for a while next to Willow before he cried. "I killed him. I know I could have cured him. We could have made it work." "Shh. There was nothing you could do. He was already gone; you didn't kill him. You loved him and he knew that," she tried to remain strong but soon tears rolled down her cheeks as well. When he'd stopped sobbing, he talked. "Remember when the three of us went to the fair last year and he won the stuffed bear for you? He was so proud of himself. I'll never forget that." He said this in between little sniffs. He almost told Willow how much Jesse had really meant to him but he didn't have it in him to talk about it. The stayed up all night remember Jesse. All the good times but not the bad because the only bad thing about Jesse had happened yesterday. From then on he seemed to attach himself only to the men and women that he couldn't have or were not good for him. Either that or he messed it up. No matter what happened though, Jesse would always be in his heart.  
  
***@***  
  
"Xander? Are okay? You look a bit sad. Do you want to talk about it?" Giles said, snapping him out of his memories. Giles; it seemed only yesterday that he was the stiff old librarian. Now he was more like a friend. "No, I'm alright. Just doing some intense thinking. Not used to it." He smiled a little and Giles nodded. "Okay. If you do need to talk, I'm here." He replied. "Thank you."  
  
***@*** After note: Once again, sorry this took so long to get out. Not that I think it was missed but, I hoped you liked it. They'll be more. Feedback welcome. 


	4. Hopes For the Future

Title: She Won't Stay, But I Will Chapter: Four Author: StarCat Rating: PG-13 Genre: Angst/Romance Fandom: Buffy Disclaimer: Not mine, Joss is the genius behind all of it. Summary: Three part of my story. Warnings: SLASH Note: I know it's been a long while. CoughTwo yearscough But this is the final part, finally. I really kinda lost the bunny for this one. My muse went far away but it slightly returned so I thought this story deserved some sort of ending. It's not how I originally planned it because my views of the characters and how things should be have changed. I don't believe the original title fits it any longer. That's a warning. Buffy left the room after her and Spike finished sparring. Spike stayed behind to think and towel the sweat off his body. The Slayer could make anyone sweat, vampire or not. Spike looked up as Xander cleared his throat; effectively getting the vamp's attention.  
  
"How you feeling?" Xander ventured.  
  
"Not bad. Bruised in places that really shouldn't be touched let alone punched, but I'm good otherwise."  
  
Xander hesitated before moving to Spike side, leaning against the training room wall.  
  
"I actually meant the look on your face out there earlier. You looked like someone had kicked your puppy on Christmas and then set your tree on fire."  
  
The blonde snorted at the analogy. "No puppies or trees. Just remembering stuff."  
  
"Not good stuff I take it. Must be about a girl. I should know; I've seen the same expression when I look in the mirror."  
  
"Not exactly..." Spike trailed off wondering if he should go in that direction with the brunette. /Oh, why not?/ He shrugged and answered Xander's raised eyebrows' question.  
  
"A bloke actually."  
  
Xander's eyes widened and his eyebrows shot up farther than ever before. The vampire smirked; obviously taking pleasure from the younger man's reaction.  
  
"That bother you any?" Spike asked teasingly.  
  
Xander smiled, "Actually no. Just surprised that you'd admit something like that, macho man that you are." Spike smiled back; a genuine smile this time, not a smirk. Xander's smile lessened and become more quiet as he realized how close Spike and him were. Faces leaned closer to each other; lips pressed together lightly. Very suddenly Xander found his back pressed into the wall and a man pressed against his front. Xander wasn't resisting at all, however. In fact he was participating. There was a bang coming from the direction of the door. The two broke apart just in time for Buffy to walk in. Luckily the weapons cabinet had blocked her view of them; it gave them enough time to separate and compose themselves.  
  
"There you guys are. What are you two doing?" Buffy asked suspiciously.  
  
The two grinned sheepishly. "Nothin' Buff. Just hanging and talking about large weapons," Xander replied; trying his very best to look innocent. Buffy, still looking a bit wary, nodded and said, "Giles wants to talk to us so..." The request for them to join everyone else was quite obviously there. Buffy headed back for the main room of the Magic Box. When she was out of ear shot Spike spoke.  
  
"I don't know if this is going to become....something," Spike gestured with his hand between Xander and himself, "but just know, I'm not going anywhere." The vampire gave a short kind of half shrug, half nod and exited the room to let Xander ponder recent events. Xander did indeed think about it. He didn't know anymore than Spike did where they were headed. He guessed that planning a relationship was a bad idea. He tried that with Anya and look where that had gone. Well, she wouldn't stay and brave what's coming, but it looks like –he- will. Xander, hands in pockets, followed Spike out the door.  
  
Fin  
  
Wow, after two long years of waiting I finally ended it. Damn, I know it's short but it needed an ending and that what my muse gave me. Just be glad I didn't kill anyone off. Lol 


End file.
